Author: ruppertranch

It’s been 6 weeks with the little love of my life and I can finally process the miracle my birth was and how perfect these last weeks have truly been.

We woke up on December 20th to head to the hospital at 6AM to be induced. (The night before we were sent home as everyone in town went into labor but me lol) We had magazines, phones, and snacks on hand for what could be a long few days.

I received my first dose of medication shortly after arrival, and two more followed. By that evening I was in full blown labor. My water broke while in bed, and contractions were starting and staying. Majority of my contractions were four… yes, FOUR hours long. (Thanks cytotec..) I was increasingly exhausted as I was on no sleep and my contractions kept me up. The doctors decided to give me a sleep aide to get me some rest. Problem was.. I was feeling relief only when standing and as I was standing and in pain.. I was half passing out. What an experience! (Ha) soon later, desperate for sleep and feeling awful I called epidural.

I don’t even remember anything after the numbing shot. And hours later I woke up asking what was going on. I was finally dilated enough to start Pitocin and almost immediately little man did not like it. His heart rate dropped. So they gave me a break, we had breakfast and napped and tried again. But again.. the baby didn’t like it. There was a lot of in and outs by the doctors that followed until eventually they explained.. they truly felt it wouldn’t get better and a cesarian would be best. Immediately I responded with whatever is best for the baby.. but deep inside I was scared and crushed. I really dreamt up this birth that was natural and that my body was built for and the idea of such an in depth surgery was petrifying.

But quickly I thought to myself- I am exhausted and have been in labor for 24 hours and my baby wants to meet me. Let’s get this done. (Turns out, I am small – no shock here – and I am so small that I am not made for vaginal labor. Turns out this runs in my family on my dads side. So there ya have it. I will need a csection for any child I have.) I called my momma and my mother in law.. got some love and pep talks and we rolled in for surgery.

I was full blown freaked out. I was hyperventilating and crying my eyes out. The moments I was in there, under the lights with all the tools and alone were dreadful. Finally DJ arrived and I was slightly better but I could feel my entire body shaking of nerves and panic as they wanted to begin, all I could do was apologize repeatedly.

Now.. I will spare the details but wow. There is nothing like a csection. You’re numb of pain but feel everything at the same time. There is nothing you can really do to prepare for that. A mixture of feeling everything and nothing.. how do you process? But thankfully my hospital staff really made the process amazing. They explained every detail as we went through, held my hand, took photos for DJ and I, applied chapstick to my lips. It was unreal and before I knew it, they said he was out.

I didn’t hear him and immediately panicked.. “I don’t hear him, is he okay?! I can’t hear him!!” And just like he knew.. he gave a two second cry out and let me know he was alright. And I looked up and there he was.. over the curtain and looked perfect.

And so he was born, my beautiful son. Reid Albert Ruppert. Arriving on December 21st, 2019 at 9:46AM weighing in at 7lbs, 3oz and 20in long. And everything else disappeared.. none of it mattered but our new family of three.

The next days in the hospital were ours. Quiet, intimate and life altering. And truly- the weeks following have been very similar.

Reid and I have been learning and growing together. I am completely changed in every way. I am no longer here for myself.. I am totally and completely his. He is beautiful, loving and so strong and smart. I am waking up feeling blessed daily.

Reid Albert.. thank you for making me a mommy. But mostly your mommy. There hasn’t been, and never will be anything I am more proud of. I love you to the moon and back.

I say it, I type it, I now live it and I still can’t believe it! Yes.. we bought a farm! Let’s get into it

If you at all followed or read past posts, we left New Jersey behind yo start fresh. Aside from DJs dream job opportunity we knew we really wanted some space and a different investment option. We had a great house back in Jersey but there was no SPACE. We didn’t have it and we couldn’t make it. When I lived in PA, I loved the big fields and farm animals right up the street, the more “country” feel. We planted a garden back home and had a yard but let’s be real…

So when we moved down here, we didn’t really have an option but to move quick. So into an apartment we went. We looked at houses endlessly during the off season but all our options were either great house and no land or a ton of land and a house that needed a TON of work.

Don’t get me wrong- we’re not afraid of the work generally but we just finished a project house. And it really required a ton of work, patience and time from the both of us. But with a baby coming and DJ traveling majority of the time- that wasn’t possible. So we passed and finally agreed that we would put our efforts into finding land and starting fresh. Thankfully, our house sale in NJ left us enough money to properly invest into a new build/home.

This really wasn’t an easy task but our realtor really helped. We had a ton of listings. We even had an offer on one that wasn’t ideal but worked until one day I found this listing, it was put up THAT day and I personally thought it was perfect. I had to talk Dj into it a little bit. It was out of our price range a little but it was in the most perfect location.. less than 10 minutes to work for the two of us, 10 whole acres, and away from the craziness of town.

Thankfully he was on board and our process began! We officially purchased our future family farm. From the day we signed the papers to close on the land- everything flew! We made our blueprints, signed the dotted line and we broke ground! Now we just finished living in our house for 2 weeks. (More on the house process later)

We imagine so much for this space. We have added guinea hens to our family, and we have a few animals on the list for later. We’re going to hold weekend GoKart events on a homemade track. Pick your own wildflower garden, huge food garden, farm fresh eggs.. you name it! This will be our future – our families future we hope.

Words cannot explain the gratitude we feel for this land, for what we can make out of it and create with it. What our son will be able to do and work for here.

Here’s to the future! To the Ruppert Ranch!

Woah! Before you think something else here, we got a PUPPY!

What does one do when super lonely and needing some love and direction? Go to school? No. Get a new hobby? No. Get a freaking puppy? YEP!

This has been sometime in the making, I have literally been begging DJ to get another dog for a couple years now. But he was secretly saving for my engagement ring, then we were saving for the wedding, then we found out we were moving. So needless to say, there wasn’t an ideal timeframe and he was STERN. (Lol)

I wanted another dog for a couple of reasons. Jade is such a dogs dog. When we lived with my parents, she loved their two dogs. And then when we moved to Bordentown, or next door neighbor had a boxer TJ.. 5 times jade size but he was her BFF! And I really am just so in love with Jade. When I think of all we’ve been through together since I got her, she is my best friend. So a new pup was also going to be what they call a “transition” pup. Since I know I’ll be absolutely devastated when she is gone, I heard about transition pups and how it helps lessen the blow. They help in grieving and affection. And I especially know if I lost Jade, I wouldn’t get another dog even when I knew I would really want one because no dog would compare. And even still… no one compares but! her little sister is pretty awesome!

Welcome Zoey Ruppert! She is a fawn french bulldog and absolutely adorable! She is learning more by the day, almost has all her teeth and really loves Jade.. almost as much as we do! It was love at first sight and I’m really just so happy!

So it’s been weeks of puppy training and vet visits and LOTS of cuddles!

Here are a few puppy training tricks I learned:

-Potty every two to three hours is KEY!

-(We’re crate training) When she goes potty inside or after potty outside, she goes in the crate. Crates are pups home and they don’t soil their own areas.

-Treats come with us when training, treat when she goes potty outside and lots of love and praise.

-We keep all toys in a bin and replaced anything “non-toy” with a toy immediately. She now understands toys are only in the bin.

-We train with words and hand signals. We personally like hand signals best, god forbid your pup has bad hearing or one day loses hearing.. this will be key but we understand others will use words so we use them in conjunction for prime understanding. (Oh, and treats!!!

-Always show them love and a pup will show you love back!

BUT I am over the moon and excited to be be … a family of FOUR!

So, it’s August 17th and in my world that would usually mean one thing: it is my birthday. (Today would happen to be my 26th)

Now, let me be clear.. generally speaking, I could care less about my birthday. Growing up, it was always a modest event never being anything crazy. To this day, a nice meal with my family and a card (cards are my favorite things in the world) and I am very much so content! Even when it came to the ever popular “sweet sixteen” I was given a choice… a party or a car. Seeing I am not a fool.. I obviously took the car. But that wasn’t the only special gift I got that birthday. This now brings me to what exactly makes this day a double celebration.

Today is also an anniversary, in fact it’s the 10th year! It has been a whole decade since I met my very special soulmate and he would be my dad. So to mark this monumental event, I will share the story about the greatest introduction there ever was. (at least in my world)

On this day, 10 years ago, I turned 16 and felt a little.. different. More adult like, definitely more independent and semi-accomplished. I just got a car, was dating a really great long term boyfriend who had an awesome family, the best of friends and doing really great with school and working. In the teen world, this is a pretty ideal situation and still a bigger part of me felt a little.. empty? To explain, growing up with my mother I was aware her significant other was not my dad. We had different names, looked nothing alike and.. I called him Rick. When I was old enough to understand what exactly that meant.. a curiosity grew that never really went away. Of course I asked, and the answers I received kind of deterred me from wanting to know for a while. (We’ll avoid those details as this is a happy story) But that feeling of needing to know never truly left. Every Fathers Day, birthday, trip to NJ.. I wondered about him. What did he look like? Where does he live? I wonder if I look like him? (This I kind of figured as I look nothing like my mom lol)

Once I was in high school I started having health issues and that question of family medical history was never really able to be answered fully and this was where I got my opening. I knew my mom wasn’t really keen on the thought of me meeting my dad as every time we generally spoke of it caused a bit of chaos. So I thought I would rationally explain the concern I had with my health and bring up a logical suggestion of finding my father.(lol) Thankfully… she agreed. So she and Rick helped me find his phone number.

Now please know.. I had this phone number for SIX MONTHS. Didn’t call for a while, then called and hung up… twice, and gave up for a while again. Then on August 17th, 2008 I was sitting on a trampoline in my boyfriends back yard and his mom made a mention of how I seemed sad. Weird comment because for all intents and purposes.. I was fine! but I took the time to really think about that comment and what could be making me feel that way and out of no where I thought.. I am 16 now and doing all these things and going to graduate soon and I don’t know my dad.. and I really want to. So randomly while laying out on that trampoline, not saying a word, I brought the phone to my ear and made a phone call.. not telling anyone I would do it.

Immediately… butterflies, panic, nerves, happiness, worry.. ALL THE THINGS, they hit me like a ton of bricks.

“Hello?”

I freaked. I first confirmed he was who he was and that he was my dad… that was certainly important. He confirmed! Then it was instant word vomit. I told him about everything I did and all that I had accomplished and about me and where I live and what I do and like.. and… and .. and. Until.. he stopped me. And he said the best sentence I ever heard to this day.

“Hey hey hey, slow down. We have a lifetime to talk.”<3

His name is Scott and he is my dad. In fact, he is my dad and my very best friend. We look exactly the same (no really), we have the same humor and he’s just my person. He also happens to have an amazing wife who is now my mom Stephanie. Since we met 10 years ago, a lot has happened. We met in person 6 months later and he came to my prom and my graduation. He skipped a concert and drove 4 hours to rescue me from the worst night of my life, he let me move in with him when I had no where to go, and took me on a family vacation with my whole new family. He has already mended a broken heart (once or twice), given me the business when I needed it and of all the memories, my favorite being when he walked me down the aisle.

Don’t get me wrong.. naturally we can drive each other nuts and have our moments but so many things in my life made more sense the day I met my father. I never understood that silly concept of love at first site or soul mates, especially in the realm of romance but all of those things made sense.. about my dad. He is my soul mate. Though our path is weird and non-traditional.. so are we so it also makes perfect sense.

That day I was given a sentence on the phone for my birthday and it has been the greatest present I will ever get.

** Dad- you are truly a gift to me, the best birthday gift I could have ever asked for and will ever receive. Things aren’t always perfect but there isn’t a day I am not grateful to know you and to have you. You have filled so many gaps in my heart and my life. I dreamed about you for 16 years and no dream came close to the reality that has taken place. I am happy to be and do a lot of things but I am so very happy to be your and moms daughter. Always know I would not change a thing.. our story is my favorite. I love you beyond measure, thank you for being my best friend! Happy 10 year anniversary! Love, your midge.

Current location: Mooresville, North Carolina. 

Current Mood: Heartbroken.

Life- a series of phases. Goodbyes are by far the worst. The last two days were some of the hardest of my life. I said goodbye to a place I love. Yes, I know it’s not forever. I know people can visit. I know I can go home whenever I want. I also know I am kinda tired of hearing all of the above because it doesn’t change how my heart hurts. Fact of the matter is, I realized I may not have been ready. The thought of leaving was good.. in theory, I guess. Because as the day got closer and closer, my anxiety and sadness got worse and worse. I am completely engulfed in heartbreak and regret.

I came to New Jersey a completely broken person. I was violated, scared and needed A LOT of work. (reasons for this to be explained in another post) But I became who I am here. I got to live with my parents- my sweet, silly, loving, goofy parents. I felt what it was like to genuinely fall in love because I fell in love with them. I waited my whole life to have those moments with my dad. I learned a lot about myself and what I like and don’t like and what I won’t tolerate and what makes me happy. I fell in love with art  again here, I fell in love with people here. I healed here. I learned here. I found myself again here. I fell in love with the town I lived in and with that, I fell in love with myself.

No part of leaving was easy, and I mean NONE of it. But to keep this simple I will break it down.

1. Leaving my home for what I knew would be the last time. I have moved around so much in my lifetime. All different states, all different families, some friends, a boyfriend or two, a ton of couches and even a car. I NEVER felt like I had a home.. until I made my own. I literally POURED myself into every inch of that house. I was proud of that house. We had many holidays, birthdays, parties, and ups and downs in that house. For four years my soul grew roots into the core of that house, it became a part of me because I truly loved it so much. 253 Ward Ave will stay with me forever. As it was not my first house.. it was my first HOME.
2. Work-  Merrill. Freaking. Lynch. My first official full time job. I graduated without a CLUE what I wanted to really do. And I guess that’s where a higher power knew not what I wanted to do, but I guess what I needed to do. I needed that job. I learned a lot about myself the last four years working for Merrill. I learned that sometimes others know what you need more than you… contrary to what I like to think- I do not know it all. I was put in my place on more than one occasion.. and I damn well needed it. I learned to have confidence in myself because others put their confidence in me. I obtained such self-worth at the hands of others because they trusted me and believed in my quality of work. I grew proud my what I did all the time there. Now, knowing how the working world works.. I was pretty freaking lucky. I ended with my last year on a team I loved. What a crazy thought, I know but I loved my job. I loved what I did everyday. Now, maybe not always what went on or how things played out daily but what I DID.. I loved. I felt I was able to learn a lot and I was good at it.. but my team- they were my favorite. I will never find words to thank them for what they did for me not only on my last day but my whole time with them.
3. My friends. Ugh.. I am blessed in the friend department but this made things even worse. So, firstly.. thank you to every person who took the time to check on me, see me, help me pack, share words of encouragement and on and on and on. This last month would have been IMPOSSIBLE without you all. Jenn- thank you for being you. Literally.. you are the best kind of person. I would have never imagined us being where we are in life right now and I am seriously so lucky to have you and to know you. I could never thank you for all you did this last month and always. Greg and Shannon- thank you for helping us with the house and the less glamorous things. But thank you for loving us and always being willing to show us. Grateful we’re family. Michael- thank you for everything. Seriously. Packing, helping with the house, taking me to dinner and hugging me as I cried hysterically in the grocery store because I just couldn’t handle buying toilet paper alone. (yep, that happened) but especially for checking in on me literally almost everyday. Tiffany- thank you for being my first friend in NJ, always finding your way back into my life, and always being a listening ear.  Thank you for sleeping on an air mattress with me so I wasn’t alone and always being willing to be silly. you always give me your heart and I know that. You are made of gold, truly. Kyle- thank for knowing what I am going to say before I say it. Always having my back and allowing me to vent but making sense of things for me when needed. You always took time to think of me when you didn’t need to and with such sweet gestures that genuinely touched my heart. Thanks for becoming one of my good friends. Sal- you get me. No other way to put it. You get me on a multitude of levels that others do not. You are so thoughtful and caring to me with no need to be, at all. You allowed me the privilege to get to know YOU, the real you and that is a gift I will cherish always, along with many others you’ve given me and likely do not even know of. Forever in my life. — My life will be significantly less great without you all being a constant in it and that is what makes this so hard.
4. My family. All of them. There will never be enough words to adequately explain the pain in my heart and gut when I said goodbye to each of you. You are who made me who I am, who fill my heart with pride and joy and the most fulfilling love. I ache so deeply to know none of you are a 5-15 minutes drive away anymore or to not know the next time I will get to hug you. I am me because of each of you and I miss you so much already.
5. Dad- It will be hard to rid the guilt of robbing our time together. I finally had you. I waited 19 years to live the life we lived together. I once dreamed of pretending to sell you cookies to get a glimpse of your face even knowing you would have no clue who I was. I had your number for 6 months before I grew the courage to call you that day and now I regret two things- not calling sooner and leaving you today. I love you forever and a day, times two.

So there. A fraction of the terrible, horrible things I am feeling. I wish that everything I would write would be a joy and insightful. I read those kind of blogs and they’re awesome. But unfortunately I am really real and I feel ALL THE THINGS and sometimes that means that I will bitch, and cry, and things won’t always be rainbows and sunshine. Like right now for instance. So today- I am flat out sad. I am crying myself to sleep, to music I know will make me cry worse, and reading cards from the above mentioned who I love. All because I miss New Jersey. I miss home. And I am almost sure this will not be the last time I say that.

Phases.. sometimes they just really suck, but especially goodbyes.

Welp, a little more than month since we found out we’re moving and a little less than a month until it’s official. I would be lying if I said I finally wrapped my head around everything. In reality- I have procrastinated on this post this long because I can barely believe this is all happening right now.

But I guess I’ll start from the beginning.

Our plan was always to leave New Jersey. And I won’t lie, it was especially mine. I grew up in fields, mountains, and with back roads and lots and lots of farms and farm animals. We got milk straight from a dairy farm, vegetables from our neighbors stands, and it took longer than 15 minutes to get to any kind of store. What sometimes I thought was a curse growing up, I appreciate more now than I ever did. And so badly, I wanted that kind of feeling back. I want gardens, and chickens and SPACE. With that being said… I thought I would have more time. And with most things… I realized that time is limited.

From the day I met DJ, I listened to stories about him going to NASCAR tech and loving race cars. I was under no other impression other than this was his dream. And when we both told each other we wanted to move to the Carolinas one day many years ago.. we knew we were right for each other. So when DJ came to me and told me he wanted to apply to some racing shops.. I said “sure, why not!” Why? Because I don’t have that ONE thing that I am passionate about doing one day. But DJ does. He still has the same dream he had when I met him 7 years ago, and he has when he was a kid. So I also was not surprised when he got asked to interview, or when he traveled for a second interview.. or when he got the job with Penske Racing on an IndyCar team. I was though, a little surprised to find out his start date as I was walking into our rehearsal dinner.. the day before our marriage- and then especially surprised when they said we have a month. A MONTH. So, needless to say this last month has been crazy.

So to catch you up: My husband left a week ago today. My house, my beautiful and very first home, sold in less than a week. I don’t have a new job. I am leaving our families and friends. I leave in three weeks.

So, how do I feel about this? No better answer than, I am feeling.. ALL THE THINGS! I am feeling sad, happy, nervous, excited, a little angry, and a whole lot of anticipation.

DJ leaving was one of the hardest days in our relationship. We are, if nothing else, a team. We really delegate well and understand our strengths and weaknesses. The idea of selling and packing up this house alone is hard. He left and just about everything that could go wrong.. did. And he wasn’t here to help me or to talk to. We have been living together for about 6 years now, and it has been ROUGH to be alone. Eating alone, sleeping alone, shopping alone.. all of it. At the same time I understand that it is good I learn to do these things but it would have been great to enjoy our marriage a TAD bit longer before he was just gone. (lol)  Then the house. We bought our little house when it was a shell of… well.. ugly. It was horrible. BUT, we made it beautiful. A house we planned to have our first child in, to grow in. The idea of leaving it, and someone else being here is just, hard. My job that I worked for, for three long years.. that I love, with the team I love and the co-workers I love. Yeah, leaving that sucks. But… not having a new job, sucks even more. Feeling like I had everything in my professional life together and knowing I am damn good at what I do.. to feeling really lost about it all- stinks. Then… leaving my family. This is HANDS DOWN the worse. I met my dad just shy of 6 years ago (to be explained in another blog post) and moved here and lived with him for the first time ever. Him and my mom are my best friends. Feeling like we already missed so much time and now leaving them and losing more… breaks me. Aside from DJ.. they really keep me together. The same goes for DJs family and all our friends. Knowing our time with them all moving forward is limited or maybe not at all, really takes of the cake on this whole difficult thing.

With all of this being said- I have been through A LOT in my life. For all intents and purposes, I have turned out pretty okay (I still have some work to do lol). This is all difficult and currently relevant but I do understand that it is also just that.. current. This is what it is now, but maybe not tomorrow. I am sad and really stressed out to understand what is to come and how things will work out but I know I have a direct say in the ending. I will be where I always wanted to be. North Carolina is gorgeous and brings the chance for new opportunities. I am going to learn to do things alone and break the boundaries of my anxiety. I am going to meet new people and put myself out there. I am going to figure out how to be successful in a different place- maybe even in a different field. I am going to find a new home I love. I am going to see my family and get to show them this new great state and I am going to learn about a new side of myself. I am going to make a new beginning.

I am going to live in North Carolina and experience and learn, ALL THE THINGS.

I felt like I couldn’t write about my wedding and not follow up with a honeymoon post. This will likely be one of the easiest posts for me to write about, as I have still been on my honeymoon in my head since the day we left.

It wasn’t too hard to choose where to go. After planning a wedding and having everything that went on since our engagement… one thing came to mind… ALL INCLUSIVE! I didn’t want to think about anything, plan anything, pay for anything.. I wanted to do absolutely NOTHING. I wanted to do that crazy thing that people often talk about that we’re not too familiar with. Ya know… umm… relax? (lol) With all inclusive in mind, where does one who is honeymooning first think about? Sandals! So we trolled the Sandals sites for deals, narrowed down our island choices and booked the one! St. Lucia it was!

So firstly, I have to mention the cute gestures from my mom who got us a bunch of honeymoon clothes and gear which included shirts that said “Honeymoon Vibes”. This turned out to be exceptionally hilarious as we boarded the flight from Charlotte to St. Lucia. We’re half asleep after pulling an all-nighter from our wedding night and feeling like death from both exhaustion and hunger. I board feeling delirious but immediately notice the hilarity in our situation. Every. Single. Couple. They all had matching wedding/honeymoon shirts. So needless to say, we knew we were going to the right place.

We arrived and hopped on a helicopter (unnecessary splurge moment, yes. but you only honeymoon once?) and saw the most amazing views on our way to the resort. We were met with hot towels and a plethora of things for our week. It was pretty much immediate that we started that crazy “relaxing” thing. Almost everyday consisted of the following: waking up, breakfast, poolside with drinks and snacks, nap, shower, dinner, bed. (lol) Now relax.. we made it worth it. Promise. We also went to street festivals, made friends, went zip lining, snuba-ing, got a massage and enjoyed a private candlelit dinner on the beach.

But I think my favorite part was spending legitimate quality time with my *husband* (swoon). He is the hardest working person I know. Sometimes working all 7 days a week and 10-12 hours at a pop. He works 3 different jobs at any time and that doesn’t include helping me around the house, playing with our pup and always trying his best to be present. We chat about our day everyday and I end every evening with a shower or bath and as soon as the water shuts off, he is there to meet me with my towels. It was great to vacation and get away but really… he deserved this break. And really.. even on our honeymoon he was planning and scheming as there was a lot waiting at home for us (this will come in the next post… stay tuned & maybe bring tissues?) but he got to nap and got drunk (lol) and spent a lot of doing a lot of nothing.

We spent so much of that week talking about our amazing wedding, and looking at pictures together. We read some cards and messages from our families. It really was a week of love- We went into that week feeling so loved and left the week feeling such a stronger love for each other. After 7 years, not a lot can really change but there is something to be said about the feeling of being “married”. I have a husband.. what a crazy, but amazing thing to say!

St. Lucia… it was so good to us but we’re prepared for the next adventure! (STAY TUNED!)

 

Finally, I can officially say I am a married woman! May 19th, 2018 I walked down a small humble aisle in a gorgeous lodge, to my best friend and made him mine forever… well, officially that is.

I’ve been with DJ since I was essentially a kid still. I met him at 18 years old- I knew nothing, had next to nothing and was coming from a rough place in my life and required a lot of love and healing. I needed someone caring, loving and bold. Bold enough to tell me I’m wrong, make me get my crap together and love me hard. DJ did all that and more. He has undoubtedly helped me become a woman, not only in this relationship of ours but as a single person. He has always wanted the best for me even if it didn’t include him. This is how I knew he was the one. We used to say “Forever” and talk about marriage and everything.. YEARS ago. We were dating a week and said “I love you”. It really was never a question, even when others thought we were crazy- we always knew this was the real deal.

We got engaged in St. Marteen on November 15th, 2016. Just shy of our 5 year anniversary (because I am an impatient jerk). Long story short – he asked, I said OF COURSE (eventually after crying), and I almost broke my face running into a door in excitement. It was a great day (lol). I had this gorgeous promise of forever… and knew instantly. I. did. not. want. to. have. a. wedding. This is for a long huge list of reasons to be honest but to keep it short.. My family is very mixed and broken (we’ll get into that another post), I hate attention, and just never been into the idea of spending a lot of money for a day that comes and goes. Like most things in our relationship, Dj talked me out of what I wanted cause he thinks he knows what’s best and next thing you knew we had a date and venue. Ugh…

And now, about a year and half later… I am cringing while saying, like most times.. he was right. I literally could not have asked for a more perfect day. I could go on for hours- no… days, about our wedding but I’ll try to just go over the highlights.

I’ll start with the day before- we had to set up our own wedding. This was stressful and crazy to include in the weekend, and added a whole level of stress to me because if something didn’t look right or flow right… it would be my fault. Like usual… I stressed for nothing (this will be something I likely say a lot). My tribe is awesome needless to say. A lot of our bridal party, our parents, my uncle, my niece, and some people in between really rallied together and helped it become perfection. They understood me and what I wanted. My mom and Amy were really instrumental here. I know what I like, I know that they know what that is.. I am not the best with delegation and direction. SO… when you cannot do… you ask someone else to do. Two ladies who have been married, created their own days and wanted what was best for me… and they killed it. But everyone really did so much. String lights, bar set up, centerpiece creations and flower arrangements was just a few. I walked out of there feeling totally different. Dare I say, a little more… excited? Yep. So we went back to our hotel, I got ready and went to our rehearsal dinner.  And it was great. We got to give gifts to our favorite people, eat great food and of course… rehearse. (thanks Amy) But really my favorite moments of the dinner was surprising my sister-in-law with a graduation cake and my mother-in-law with a birthday cake, and a moment most people didn’t see. DJ and I snuck off to a corner and prayed. Just took a second of that crazy insane day and prayed together. For our day, for our marriage, for our love. That time the next day, things wouldn’t be too different daily but they would be a lot different. Crazy.. but I feel like that prayer worked. Or I’ll tell myself that anyway.

I had spent MONTHS nervous, stressing and working at making everything. Obsessing over every detail and scared to death to do all the things involved in the day. But I woke up on the morning of our wedding and felt such a new sense of calm. I knew that everything was gonna be what it was and all that mattered was I was marrying the love of my life. I got ready with my momma, my bridesmaids, my flower girl and her lovely momma. Those moments is where I got to see these girls get dolled up, talk and get ready for the day… and I will cherish this morning with them all. Then, before the guys would need to take off, DJ and I took a minute to have my brother-in-law exchange our wedding gifts for us and video everything (something I will cherish FOREVER). We both cried ugly tears, which we were both excited about (lol). I had my mom help me put on my dress, had a first look with my dad, and fought back tears every 2 minutes. Now quick- My parents are my best friends in the universe. This day was possible partly because of them, and it was so much more special because they were involved. My mom did so much… bridal shower planning (it was amazing), bach bash help, and every special detail on my day. Their well thought out gifts, little letters or notes, and items from their wedding day. These are things I could only dream of some time ago, moments I used to pray for.. my parents are really freaking awesome. (more details of these wonderful people in a later post)

But then… it was OFF! I won’t lie.. I was getting nervous as we made the drive to the ceremony, so another thing I was thankful for was taking a minute right outside the door with my dad and getting a quick pep talk from him. Really, all it took was “it’s gonna be okay, you got this” and we went. I saw DJ and every single day, every heartache, trauma, good day and bad, everything… was worth it. I have loved him for 6 years, 6 months, and 1 day… and this moment was my favorite out of all of them.

My best friend in the whole entire universe married us. My sweet uncle Craig. The one human in the entire world who has been by my side since the day I was born. Hindsight, that was one of the best decisions I made about the wedding. He was the PERFECT person for the job. His words were perfect. Our hand binding ceremony with our parents, gram and our niece Brea… perfect. Our vows to each other.. perfect. I never made a better promise. We got to our reception before everyone else which was also a really amazing part of our day. We got to see everything put together, absorb the scene (and a drink or two) and really bask in the work everyone put in and how beautiful it was. Oh, and sign the marriage license.. that was important too (lol). From this point, I have no other way to describe it but perfect. Our introductions, our first dance, my dance with my dad, the speeches, the food, the drinks, the cake, our speech. EVERYTHING. Every vendor was perfect and added a unique touch to our day. Our venue.. I mean… we got to feed ponies… freaking ponies at our wedding! We danced all night long, non stop. Seriously- it was a room of people we love dearly, whom we know love us back, and we were all happy for the same thing… DJ and I are going to spend the rest of our lives together.

So yes, it pains me but DJ was right. I needed that day. I needed a wedding day. It is a day I will never forget. I walked away happy about every single thing. The only negative thing was.. that it ended and I wanted it to last forever. But being Alicia Ruppert forever, and a few photos, will do just fine.