It’s been 6 weeks with the little love of my life and I can finally process the miracle my birth was and how perfect these last weeks have truly been.
We woke up on December 20th to head to the hospital at 6AM to be induced. (The night before we were sent home as everyone in town went into labor but me lol) We had magazines, phones, and snacks on hand for what could be a long few days.
I received my first dose of medication shortly after arrival, and two more followed. By that evening I was in full blown labor. My water broke while in bed, and contractions were starting and staying. Majority of my contractions were four… yes, FOUR hours long. (Thanks cytotec..) I was increasingly exhausted as I was on no sleep and my contractions kept me up. The doctors decided to give me a sleep aide to get me some rest. Problem was.. I was feeling relief only when standing and as I was standing and in pain.. I was half passing out. What an experience! (Ha) soon later, desperate for sleep and feeling awful I called epidural.
I don’t even remember anything after the numbing shot. And hours later I woke up asking what was going on. I was finally dilated enough to start Pitocin and almost immediately little man did not like it. His heart rate dropped. So they gave me a break, we had breakfast and napped and tried again. But again.. the baby didn’t like it. There was a lot of in and outs by the doctors that followed until eventually they explained.. they truly felt it wouldn’t get better and a cesarian would be best. Immediately I responded with whatever is best for the baby.. but deep inside I was scared and crushed. I really dreamt up this birth that was natural and that my body was built for and the idea of such an in depth surgery was petrifying.
But quickly I thought to myself- I am exhausted and have been in labor for 24 hours and my baby wants to meet me. Let’s get this done. (Turns out, I am small – no shock here – and I am so small that I am not made for vaginal labor. Turns out this runs in my family on my dads side. So there ya have it. I will need a csection for any child I have.) I called my momma and my mother in law.. got some love and pep talks and we rolled in for surgery.
I was full blown freaked out. I was hyperventilating and crying my eyes out. The moments I was in there, under the lights with all the tools and alone were dreadful. Finally DJ arrived and I was slightly better but I could feel my entire body shaking of nerves and panic as they wanted to begin, all I could do was apologize repeatedly.
Now.. I will spare the details but wow. There is nothing like a csection. You’re numb of pain but feel everything at the same time. There is nothing you can really do to prepare for that. A mixture of feeling everything and nothing.. how do you process? But thankfully my hospital staff really made the process amazing. They explained every detail as we went through, held my hand, took photos for DJ and I, applied chapstick to my lips. It was unreal and before I knew it, they said he was out.
I didn’t hear him and immediately panicked.. “I don’t hear him, is he okay?! I can’t hear him!!” And just like he knew.. he gave a two second cry out and let me know he was alright. And I looked up and there he was.. over the curtain and looked perfect.
And so he was born, my beautiful son. Reid Albert Ruppert. Arriving on December 21st, 2019 at 9:46AM weighing in at 7lbs, 3oz and 20in long. And everything else disappeared.. none of it mattered but our new family of three.
The next days in the hospital were ours. Quiet, intimate and life altering. And truly- the weeks following have been very similar.
Reid and I have been learning and growing together. I am completely changed in every way. I am no longer here for myself.. I am totally and completely his. He is beautiful, loving and so strong and smart. I am waking up feeling blessed daily.
Reid Albert.. thank you for making me a mommy. But mostly your mommy. There hasn’t been, and never will be anything I am more proud of. I love you to the moon and back.
Ruppert Ranch 