Welp, a little more than month since we found out we’re moving and a little less than a month until it’s official. I would be lying if I said I finally wrapped my head around everything. In reality- I have procrastinated on this post this long because I can barely believe this is all happening right now.
But I guess I’ll start from the beginning.
Our plan was always to leave New Jersey. And I won’t lie, it was especially mine. I grew up in fields, mountains, and with back roads and lots and lots of farms and farm animals. We got milk straight from a dairy farm, vegetables from our neighbors stands, and it took longer than 15 minutes to get to any kind of store. What sometimes I thought was a curse growing up, I appreciate more now than I ever did. And so badly, I wanted that kind of feeling back. I want gardens, and chickens and SPACE. With that being said… I thought I would have more time. And with most things… I realized that time is limited.
From the day I met DJ, I listened to stories about him going to NASCAR tech and loving race cars. I was under no other impression other than this was his dream. And when we both told each other we wanted to move to the Carolinas one day many years ago.. we knew we were right for each other. So when DJ came to me and told me he wanted to apply to some racing shops.. I said “sure, why not!” Why? Because I don’t have that ONE thing that I am passionate about doing one day. But DJ does. He still has the same dream he had when I met him 7 years ago, and he has when he was a kid. So I also was not surprised when he got asked to interview, or when he traveled for a second interview.. or when he got the job with Penske Racing on an IndyCar team. I was though, a little surprised to find out his start date as I was walking into our rehearsal dinner.. the day before our marriage- and then especially surprised when they said we have a month. A MONTH. So, needless to say this last month has been crazy.
So to catch you up: My husband left a week ago today. My house, my beautiful and very first home, sold in less than a week. I don’t have a new job. I am leaving our families and friends. I leave in three weeks.
So, how do I feel about this? No better answer than, I am feeling.. ALL THE THINGS! I am feeling sad, happy, nervous, excited, a little angry, and a whole lot of anticipation.
DJ leaving was one of the hardest days in our relationship. We are, if nothing else, a team. We really delegate well and understand our strengths and weaknesses. The idea of selling and packing up this house alone is hard. He left and just about everything that could go wrong.. did. And he wasn’t here to help me or to talk to. We have been living together for about 6 years now, and it has been ROUGH to be alone. Eating alone, sleeping alone, shopping alone.. all of it. At the same time I understand that it is good I learn to do these things but it would have been great to enjoy our marriage a TAD bit longer before he was just gone. (lol) Then the house. We bought our little house when it was a shell of… well.. ugly. It was horrible. BUT, we made it beautiful. A house we planned to have our first child in, to grow in. The idea of leaving it, and someone else being here is just, hard. My job that I worked for, for three long years.. that I love, with the team I love and the co-workers I love. Yeah, leaving that sucks. But… not having a new job, sucks even more. Feeling like I had everything in my professional life together and knowing I am damn good at what I do.. to feeling really lost about it all- stinks. Then… leaving my family. This is HANDS DOWN the worse. I met my dad just shy of 6 years ago (to be explained in another blog post) and moved here and lived with him for the first time ever. Him and my mom are my best friends. Feeling like we already missed so much time and now leaving them and losing more… breaks me. Aside from DJ.. they really keep me together. The same goes for DJs family and all our friends. Knowing our time with them all moving forward is limited or maybe not at all, really takes of the cake on this whole difficult thing.
With all of this being said- I have been through A LOT in my life. For all intents and purposes, I have turned out pretty okay (I still have some work to do lol). This is all difficult and currently relevant but I do understand that it is also just that.. current. This is what it is now, but maybe not tomorrow. I am sad and really stressed out to understand what is to come and how things will work out but I know I have a direct say in the ending. I will be where I always wanted to be. North Carolina is gorgeous and brings the chance for new opportunities. I am going to learn to do things alone and break the boundaries of my anxiety. I am going to meet new people and put myself out there. I am going to figure out how to be successful in a different place- maybe even in a different field. I am going to find a new home I love. I am going to see my family and get to show them this new great state and I am going to learn about a new side of myself. I am going to make a new beginning.
I am going to live in North Carolina and experience and learn, ALL THE THINGS.
Ruppert Ranch 